HOW TO LIVE

Read.

Read novels, biographies, newspapers, magazines, blogs. And never stop.

Take to heart the words of the Russian writer Yevgeny Zamyatin who said that true literature – and, I would add, all interesting people -- can exist only where it is created, not by diligent and trustworthy functionaries, but by madmen, hermits, heretics, dreamers, rebels, and skeptics.

When someone in a classroom tells you about the great writers, don’t believe them. Prove it for yourself. Maybe some of the famous names of the canon are overrated. Maybe they don’t work for you.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Spend time with the elderly. Spend time with small children. They know secrets. I know them as well but I’m not telling you them unless you pay me.

Adults don’t know more than you do. We simply have more experience.

Get experience.

Volunteer. Enlist. Travel. Work a hard job that kind of sucks. Commit to it.

Take the advice of Annie Dillard who said that how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.

Know that everyone is afraid.

Everyone is insecure.

Everyone is trying to find their way.

Revere your friends. Check in on them. Let them know you are there.

Don’t judge. It seems obvious. But see if you can do it for a day.

There’s an improv comedy rule. Yes, and…

Improv is about listening carefully to another person. About adding to what they have offered. You can’t do that if you’re not truly listening. Life is improv.

Be kind.

Keep your head up in the grocery store. On the subway. On the street. You are not alone on this journey.

Say hi to the cashier, the person behind the counter at Dunkin Donuts, the letter carrier. Ask about their day. Thank them.

Who knows what’s going on with them. A sick child at home. Money troubles. Two jobs. A mean customer before you.

There is an urban legend about a young woman walking across the Golden Gate Bridge. She was terribly depressed. She told herself that if no one said hello to her that she would jump when she got to the middle. People passed, head down, on their phone, in their world. Near the middle, a mother and child walked by, the child smiled and waved. “Hi you!”

We are here to connect with each other.

Be grateful.

For friends, food, health, your lot.

Look for one beautiful thing every day. A gesture, an act, an event, a tree. Notice.

Cut your parents some slack. They love you more than you will ever know. You’ll only fully understand when you have your own children and it will leave you sobbing.

Read Michel de Montaigne. Yes, he had an incredibly silly name but he was a rock star. He said, My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.

Remember that your thoughts aren’t real. Do not let that voice in your head, that constant annoying companion, beat you up and take control.

Dare to be yourself, not who you think you are supposed to be, who others might want you to be.

Be vulnerable. Feel deeply. Avoid cynicism.

Those first two take courage. That third one is cheap.

It might not seem it, but everything you need to create a worthy, meaningful, happy life is already inside you. Everything.

Look the world over. But don’t forget to plumb the depths of your soul.

Also never, ever write pompous phrases like “plumb the depths of your soul” or people will quite rightly think that you are an epic jackass.

Work hard. Then work harder. You are capable of more than you know.

Think long and carefully about this line from a Mary Oliver poem.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Because this is it. Right now.

It doesn’t start in college or after your first job or when you get married.

It’s happening.

And it’s going to fly.

And someday soon, your old high school will ask you to give a talk.

But they won’t pay you. Which totally sucks.

Remember, this is your life.

Make it count.HOW TO LIVE

Read.

Read novels, biographies, newspapers, magazines, blogs. And never stop.

Take to heart the words of the Russian writer Yevgeny Zamyatin who said that true literature – and, I would add, all interesting people -- can exist only where it is created, not by diligent and trustworthy functionaries, but by madmen, hermits, heretics, dreamers, rebels, and skeptics.

When someone in a classroom tells you about the great writers, don’t believe them. Prove it for yourself. Maybe some of the famous names of the canon are overrated. Maybe they don’t work for you. 

Push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Spend time with the elderly. Spend time with small children. They know secrets. I know them as well but I’m not telling you them unless you pay me.

Adults don’t know more than you do. We simply have more experience.

Get experience.

Volunteer. Enlist. Travel. Work a hard job that kind of sucks. Commit to it.

Take the advice of Annie Dillard who said that how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.

Know that everyone is afraid.

Everyone is insecure.

Everyone is trying to find their way.

Revere your friends. Check in on them. Let them know you are there.

Don’t judge. It seems obvious. But see if you can do it for a day.

There’s an improv comedy rule. Yes, and…

Improv is about listening carefully to another person. About adding to what they have offered. You can’t do that if you’re not truly listening. Life is improv.

Be kind.

Keep your head up in the grocery store. On the subway. On the street. You are not alone on this journey.

Say hi to the cashier, the person behind the counter at Dunkin Donuts, the letter carrier. Ask about their day. Thank them.

Who knows what’s going on with them. A sick child at home. Money troubles. Two jobs. A mean customer before you.

There is an urban legend about a young woman walking across the Golden Gate Bridge. She was terribly depressed. She told herself that if no one said hello to her that she would jump when she got to the middle. People passed, head down, on their phone, in their world. Near the middle, a mother and child walked by, the child smiled and waved. “Hi you!” 

We are here to connect with each other.

Be grateful.

For friends, food, health, your lot.

Look for one beautiful thing every day. A gesture, an act, an event, a tree. Notice.

Cut your parents some slack. They love you more than you will ever know. You’ll only fully understand when you have your own children and it will leave you sobbing.

Read Michel de Montaigne. Yes, he had an incredibly silly name but he was a rock star. He said, My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.

Remember that your thoughts aren’t real. Do not let that voice in your head, that constant annoying companion, beat you up and take control.

Dare to be yourself, not who you think you are supposed to be, who others might want you to be.

Be vulnerable. Feel deeply. Avoid cynicism.

Those first two take courage. That third one is cheap.

It might not seem it, but everything you need to create a worthy, meaningful, happy life is already inside you. Everything.

Look the world over. But don’t forget to plumb the depths of your soul.

Also never, ever write pompous phrases like “plumb the depths of your soul” or people will quite rightly think that you are an epic jackass.

Work hard. Then work harder. You are capable of more than you know.

Think long and carefully about this line from a Mary Oliver poem.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Because this is it. Right now.

It doesn’t start in college or after your first job or when you get married.

It’s happening.

And it’s going to fly.

And someday soon, your old high school will ask you to give a talk.

But they won’t pay you. Which totally sucks.
Remember, this is your life.

Make it count.